Parents

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So, I am thinking about people in general. I have friends whereby their parents have been together for 20+ years. I find that commitment remarkable quite frankly.

By contrast, my parents literally hated each other after their divorce when I was 8. I grew up knowing and understanding that hatred for a person of the opposite sex. My dad got the kids, long story there. Mind you this was in the very early 1970s where divorce was still frowned upon, especially in a Catholic family.

Mom got to see us four times a year. Those were the most painful memories as I'd get excited to see her and then cry myself to sleep every night for two weeks thereafter when we got back home. It didn't help that they hated each other too. I don't hate anyone ever, yet this was apparently the feeling or so I felt as a very impressionable 8 year old. One 8 year old that was at the side of his mom constantly up to that point.

So now when I hear of parents that are still together after 20+ years, I was once envious. Now I am not. Why? Because that hatred, that divorce and subsequent things led me to be who I am today. Today, I am a damn good human being who treats people how they want to be treated.

Yes, they hated each other but yet that helped me. I fully believe that they are better off divorced. I know even at my dad's funeral my mother could not have a nice word to say about him. As we all know in relationships, there is good and bad. Moreover, there is a reason why you were together in the first place. I believe that both my mom and dad were together in the first place for a romantic ideal. It is just sad that even at my dad's funeral, that my own mother could not remember that very reason.

I am a divorcee. My ex-wife and I split over 7 years ago. Yet, I look back at the good times and how well she treated me. Did we split on amicable terms? Totally. Yet, I choose, literally, I choose to remember the good she did for me. Nobody, and I mean nobody ever treated me better during the holiday's than her, my own family included. I learned so much about myself and I buried the anger/resentment about all the other crap. That is of no use to me. Even if someone were to run smack about her, I'd stand up for her.

So, growing up with a hatred between my parents was extremely hard. I was so jealous of others whose parents were together. Yet, tonight at the ripe age of 45, I had an epiphany that if it weren't for that hatred and subsequent circumstances, I would not be the person I am today. My dream of acting would not be so vibrant and real in my world even. So for their hatred I am actually thankful, because it gave me substance and character.