Singularity

I think about my life a lot especially this weekend in LA. I walked the fox lot and thought about how this could be where I am going to work. The atmosphere in Beverly Hills accentuated my nervousness and trepidation. Can I really do this? Give up a life where money is not an object to a life of scratching for every dollar. All weekend this is all I can think about. My mind was constantly active with these thoughts.
Tomorrow I am driving to see a friend. I have to learn to navigate LA. It scares me. Way out of my comfort zone. However if I want to be an actor I need to step out of that comfort zone.
Everyone is jealous of me for DWTS. I am just looking forward to being on the set. I am going to watch everything.
I am single and wonder why I am so angry. My sarcasm has become biting to my friends. I lay here on the couch in my buddies house wondering why I am. I still search for answers.
All weekend all I could see was the competition every time i saw someone who looked like an actor. Not sure why I felt that but I did.
One things I love to do is breaking down scenes performing them on camera. I can do deep dark characters very well. I even got myself to cry. I know Hollywood is about who you know almost as much as what you know.
The weekend in the place I want to call home was revealing. Many have left security to chase that dream. Can I or will I do that? Yes!!
However the weekend made me realize that I cannot just move there and be an actor. I need to get my feet wet in Houston and then make that move to Los Angeles.
Add to this after I got home some things revealed themselves. I live in the bible belt so if you are not Christian you could be considered an outcast. Our country was founded upon freedom from religious persecution. Yet I am not Christian thus I fear persecution for those beliefs. It is a weird perspective. I always try to understand differing points of view yet I got blindsided by single-mindedness. It made me relaize that Los Angeles is where i need to live because people there are progressive in their thinking. I want to live where I do not fear being persecuted for my beliefs. I just want them respected. I felt that I was not respected.
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