Holidays

Every year I fight holiday depression. It is a factor on two fronts. One, my family is back in Nebraska. Two, it seems that I date during the year but never have a significant other during this time of the year. Friends are nice, pets are nice, but having someone to share your thoughts and dreams with is different.

The first thing is that I don't go back to Nebraska because, save for my younger sister, I do not miss them. If I went back, I would have to get a hotel room and plenty of alcohol to deal with the ensuing stress and drama that goes on there. Part of my reaction is my own challenges to growing up, parents literally hating each other, various forms of abuse (none physical) and other things that are better left unsaid. I've always said do things that add value to your life. That environment is very toxic, thus I avoid it.

So, I get depressed during the holidays because in large part I never feel special. I have a few close friends that make me feel special. They know who they are. However, it is not the same. It literally pushes my hot button when people say you have your pets. Really? Can you share your hopes and dreams with them? Not likely, but that is another post.

I relate a story several years ago when I was at a bar, hanging out with friends after Christmas. They were going on and on and on about the gifts they got and how they hated them. I had a couple beers in me and uncensored said "I didn't get any gifts." So add insult to injury, they went out and got me "sympathy" gifts. A very insensitive gesture and I felt worse.

So the combination of being alone, no kids and no desire for family time, leads for a challenging holiday for me. I go through this every year.

To combat this, I do volunteer work at the George R. Brown convention center on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Eve. Also there is the HEB Feast of Sharing there as well that I will work. Throughout the year I give thousands of dollars and hours of my time to charity work to help others less fortunate than me.

Moreover, I do a lot for everyone else during this time of year. I give of my time and money to others in need and will continue to do so. I put aside my own personal depression to help others, friends and family.

This is not a post to garner sympathy, just a post to help understand me and how I feel during the holidays.