Testing

This is a test using an iPhone app to blog. I like the landscape mode of typing. We shall see how it appears. The word wrap is nice too.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

We built this city?

I hear of people that do not like where they live. It is sad. You can live where you want. We are in an information age now. People offer up excuses like 'my kids are in school'. That is lame.
Moving from one school to another teaches kids social skills and how to adapt to different environments. Those lessons will help you later in life. You need those skills to network in your chosen profession.
I am not advocating moving to a city that has no jobs. However if you do not like where you live then move. There are people that love where they live.
Go find your dream and make it happen. Don't find obstacles find solutions.

Waiting for something better?

We all have dated someone and thought 'I can do better than that.' I've done it. It has been done to me either up front or passively.

I am a hopeless romantic. I thoroughly enjoy that process and all that goes along with it. So, when I date, I want that to be a part of it, the romance, the look, the chemistry and all that goes along with it. I wonder if I am looking past what I see in front of me because all of that is not there for me to see.

I thought about the reverse to be true here too. I am not the best looking guy out there. I probably over compensate for that with my charm, my wit, my intelligence and my humor. I need those qualities to get a girls attention. It is what it is. Naturally this made me wonder if the reverse is true as well. Girls like that guy with broad shoulders, risk taker and such. See previous post on that. On the surface I represent none of that. They don't see all my great qualities. Are they doing the same thing?

Love is not something you capture and keep. Love is something you grow and nuture over time. You will not "capture" that when you first meet someone. Moreover, you will not "see" those qualities you were not necessarily looking for.

It is always interesting to see dating profiles for women to say "they want a guy to make them laugh." Well most comedians are single, yet they make women laugh because of their unique nature.

I guess all of this goes to the old adage 'you don't judge a book by its cover'. This holds true not only for those of us that are marginally good looking but those that are in fact very good looking. This works on boths sides of the fence. Guys are just as bad about this as women are.

Guys see the beautiful girl, usually blonde, nice rack and are attracted to them. That's the cover. If you want to read book covers all your life, go for them and have fun. The book sleeve tells you something. Once you start reading the book however, you will see something different altogether.

So while my book cover is not the best, what is inside is a Pulitzer prize winning story. I need to ultimately remember that when I am on dates.

The only reason I write this post is that I have a lot of female friends. My book cover is not that enticing but my story is worth reading. Some of them I have found attractive but yet they don't see me that way. That is what ultimately precipitated this post and provoked me to think internally not only about their behaviour but mine as well.

Douchebags and hot chicks

I go out a lot and I regularly see douchebags with the hot chick. It is as normal as the clear blue sky. What most don't realize is that those girls are usually thrill seekers. Meaning, they look for that guy that rides his bike really fast, lives on the edge, has tattoos and things like that. She may be hot, but in reality she is probably very emotionally insecure and thus seeks thrill and adventure to offset that.

Now we also see these type of couples where said douchebag really treats the girl bad. We think, why is she with him. He's a douchebag. This goes back to the insecurity. We see a beautiful woman and she sees an ugly woman in the mirror. She probably figures she cannot do better and also gets to do thrill seeking things. His indifference to this is what attracts her.

Let me explain. I explained this concept of "holding your cards" to someone the other day. They lamented "I do not play games." You are not playing games. You are just showing a little bit of yourself at a time. After all, relationships build over time. You show more and more of yourself as time progresses. Showing more and more of yourself as time progresses is a means of "holding your cards".

From a woman's perspective, which I am not, while that independent streak is good to grow your career and/or family, it may not be good in attracting a mate. Hear me out on this one. Most guys are emotionally wired to be providers. Food, clothing shelter. I know we are in a day and age where that is not necessary. Women now are doing that role. However, even if financially, women are providers, emotionally, I think the source of strength is from the guy. One person in the relationship has to be a dominant one and the other not as much. This is not predicated upon the financial part, but the emotional part. You may say, that the man is not the emotional one in the relationship. They are not. However, most guys want to be the proverbial "knight and shining armour" in the relationship. That is a clash with the independent streak.

We, men, also like the chase. I believe that this goes back to the caveman days of being the hunter and gatherers. This chase does include chasing a girl who we really like. Ladies, if you give out all your cards right up front, what is there to chase? You are not playing games, you are just slowly showing what you are made of.

I know from personal experience, my best relationships have been where I have been that Knight that source of strength. I really reveled in it.

Now, going back to the douchebag. He is probably somewhat "take it or leave it" in the relationship. However, he is the strength and that is what draws the girl to him. She probably has insecurities and is attracted to that strength and of course that thrill.

I don't suggest men go out and by leather pants and a harley. However, I do suggest that the proverbial nice guy never gets laid. To quote the TV show 'Two and Half Men'. "Nice guys don't finish last, they finish in the shower." What dudes need to realize is that you do not have to be mean to a girl to get her attention. You just have to not be so nice. If you are a kiss ass, you are not going to get attention, you are going to get her problems, namely, her last boyfriend did this and her family problems.

Get attention by not paying attention. The best way to get a woman's attention is to ignore her. If it is to easy to get your attention, then she doesn't have to work. I mean really. Why did she get all dolled up, go out to the bar with her girlfriends and not make a guy work. Notice her, strike up a conversation but act disinterested. She didn't do all that work just to have a guy slide easily into conversation and kiss him. She got dolled up to make you work and you should work. To counter that to get her to look at you, show disinterest and honestly flirt with other girls too.

That is another tip. Do not zone in on just one girl. Spread that flirting around. This shows the girl that she has to work for you.

So all in all the douchebag does get the hot chick cuz, he is ambivalent, makes her work for that and doesn't show all his cards readily. Yes, the dude had the bike. For whatever reason, hot chicks love speed. However, that only lasts so long. Other things weigh in too as I have said before.

Perfect Storm?

It is rare that I am in this good of mood without a significant other. It is even rarer that this happen during the holiday season. Add to that I took significant time off. I think that choice helped fuel this perfect storm. Moreover I know have a very adept significant communication vehicle in the iPhone. As a matter of fact this post is done on the iPhone. A
zing for me. I can type very well on this phone.

As all my zero readers know. I write better in public places than at home. I feed off peoples energy. It is what it is I guess

So these things have fueled my perfect storm. I cannot remember being this happy at Christmas without a girlfriend. Seriously. I am loving my perfect storm!!!

Right where I should be...

2009 started out with great energy. I got new floors for my house, started going on out on dates. I had new years resolutions, typed out and carried them around with me.

Did I accomplish all of them. Some but not all. That is not what this post is about however.

Early in the year I dated this girl, that ultimately made me break down and cry with my mom, in a good way. You see my relationship with my mom is not strained. However, I love my mom. She's my mom. However, in life you have to deal with accepting people for who they are. Through dating this girl, I reached out to try and re-establish a relationship with my mom. It's a work in progress as I look back on things. Regardless, I accepted her for who she is, as my mom, she has her gifts to give me. That day was a watershed moment for me. Crying with your mom on the phone is a hard thing to do, especially when when one of her gifts is not to be maternal. It is what is is. She has other gifts that she gives me and I'm good with that.

Sadly the girl never lasted for a litany of reasons that cannot be listed here. Suffice to say, that relationship had a very symbolic meaning to me and my life. Therapy is a great thing.

So, I got off topic, but the year progressed. With the explosion of Facebook in my life, my world has gotten better. This is good for me, as I am a communicator. Communication is my security blanket. If I communicate with my friends, this makes me feel more secure. It is what it is. Therefore, Facebook helps me in that aspect. It draws me closer to my friends. I think it has made my life better in a positive way.

Volleyball of course has been and will be a source of my physical activity, and yet my social network.

So, 2009 progressed, dating (more dates this year than in most other years combined), networking, my job got better and drew closer to some old friends and found some amazing new ones.

In November, I had an epiphany. I finally realized, that this is the exact spot in life where I am supposed to be. Huge moment for me as I turned 45, single and no kids. In your 40's you finally realize that you are mortal and your body changes. You realize that there is an end per se, that your body is not indestructible.

So given all the highs and lows that I've endured this year and throughout life, I am totally right where I should be. All I've been through has set me up for this next phase of my life. I am right where I should be.

iPhone test

This is a test of my typing skills on the iPhone. I am typing rather fast here and doing well. I may be able to fully blog from my iPhone now. This is sweet!!! Merry Christmas to me!