So I am out and about as always. I always notice couples. I try to sense the energy and watch their behaviors. I see couples and such. Makes me wonder why I am single? I see dudes with chicks and wonder why she is not with me.
Yet, I see purportedly single chicks when out and about. I am thinking, are they really single? Are they just on a girls night out? All those things come to mind. I think of a line to engage them. Mind you I am not mr. cheesy line guy. I am actually intelligent and it never fails that I get a number. Yet, it's the mentality that I have about being single.
I was having a chat with my best friend after decorating my tree. She was wondering about guys who want a younger girl. I told her, as she's a young girl approaching her 30's, is that why do we want to look at a woman who is our age? We are hoping to hold back that aging process that we, in our 40's are going through. It is quite simply a means of having maybe what we didn't have in our 20's. It's psychological at best. A means of holding on to our youth per se.
This begs the original question of being out and about. Why do I see a pretty woman and wonder if she's compatible? Am I alone in doing that? Or, is this a primitive way of being human to attracting a mate?
It just makes me ponder where I am sitting there, thinking about this person and all that.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Companionship
As I embark on two weeks off I am wondering what to do and such. My thoughts have trailed to companionship.
You have to be comfortable with yourself. I am constantly reviewing who I am. In that process I become more comfortable who I am. I wonder if I will ever be comfortable there. That leads me to ask, am I wrong in thinking that I am wired to have a companion, yet most of my life I have been single. I am not a serial dater. Yet, 2009, I have dated more women in one year than I have in a long time.
Moreover, to start with I come out of the gate treating a lady well. I always come away feeling under appreciated and taken for granted. Is that a take on myself or the women I choose.
I heard a comedian say that the day you become comfortable with yourself a woman comes along and fucks it all up. It was comedy mind you and got a laugh. I don't agree. I think that you find someone who compliments you not completes you, for you are complete. Yet being comfortable with yourself means being complete, per se, right? Is this kind of a catch-22 then?
You have to be comfortable with yourself. I am constantly reviewing who I am. In that process I become more comfortable who I am. I wonder if I will ever be comfortable there. That leads me to ask, am I wrong in thinking that I am wired to have a companion, yet most of my life I have been single. I am not a serial dater. Yet, 2009, I have dated more women in one year than I have in a long time.
Moreover, to start with I come out of the gate treating a lady well. I always come away feeling under appreciated and taken for granted. Is that a take on myself or the women I choose.
I heard a comedian say that the day you become comfortable with yourself a woman comes along and fucks it all up. It was comedy mind you and got a laugh. I don't agree. I think that you find someone who compliments you not completes you, for you are complete. Yet being comfortable with yourself means being complete, per se, right? Is this kind of a catch-22 then?
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Single but do not settle?
Is this really true?
The lady I spoke with last night brought this up. She attested that this was me hiding behind something or there were some unresolved issues. It was brought up that I had been burnt before and I was hiding behind that.
Is this really the truth? Am I afraid of intimacy thus avoiding being vulnerable? To take this further, I do say "she is not X" thus I become friends instead of lovers rather than saying "lets see where this goes".
I am seriously pondering if this is a defense mechanism rather than the truth. I am now leaning towards that conclusion as the outcomes of my past relationships. It is just a thought that I'd blog about.
The lady I spoke with last night brought this up. She attested that this was me hiding behind something or there were some unresolved issues. It was brought up that I had been burnt before and I was hiding behind that.
Is this really the truth? Am I afraid of intimacy thus avoiding being vulnerable? To take this further, I do say "she is not X" thus I become friends instead of lovers rather than saying "lets see where this goes".
I am seriously pondering if this is a defense mechanism rather than the truth. I am now leaning towards that conclusion as the outcomes of my past relationships. It is just a thought that I'd blog about.
Escalantes
Last night, I went to Escalantes near my house. I wanted a top shelf margarita. I walk in and there's this chair next to this gorgeous woman and this big dude. They were talking, so I asked the lady if that seat was taken. I took it and what ensued was those two flirting with me smack in the middle. It was quite like a tennis match, serve and volley. She was obviously attracted to him and vice versa. They actually brought me into the conversation and i was totally entertained. Turned out he was a football coach at Texas Southern. She on the other hand I could never find out.
Regardless, I listened and interacted, having a couple margaritas and water with my meal. Finally the coach had to leave and they exchanged numbers. She was like 'you better call me'. It was funny later as she told me she had to initiate it the interaction and apparently it started once I got there looking for a seat.
She and I then had a deep conversation about things. She had a degree in clinical psychology, so needless to say I was getting analyzed, regardless of her indifference to that supposition. We talked about relationships, her kids, the coach and her friend that was off taking a test nearby for school.
It was interesting as she wanted to buy me a drink, even after she was swooning over the coach. It was too funny. I declined as I had two top shelf margaritas, my limit. Still it was great to get offered a drink from a very gorgeous woman. Nice feeling for Kelito.
I found out she has a sugar daddy, literally. She is getting a solitaire diamond ring from her sugar daddy on Friday even though she doesn't love him. She was flirting with the coach for a side dude, per her admission. It was quite interesting to find this out after coach was gone.
Finally her friend showed up after her test, and more jabbering about the coach, about my deep conversation with her. At the end of the day, I get dubbed a "cool cat" and we exchanged numbers. Needless to say, I doubt I'll call them.
Regardless, I listened and interacted, having a couple margaritas and water with my meal. Finally the coach had to leave and they exchanged numbers. She was like 'you better call me'. It was funny later as she told me she had to initiate it the interaction and apparently it started once I got there looking for a seat.
She and I then had a deep conversation about things. She had a degree in clinical psychology, so needless to say I was getting analyzed, regardless of her indifference to that supposition. We talked about relationships, her kids, the coach and her friend that was off taking a test nearby for school.
It was interesting as she wanted to buy me a drink, even after she was swooning over the coach. It was too funny. I declined as I had two top shelf margaritas, my limit. Still it was great to get offered a drink from a very gorgeous woman. Nice feeling for Kelito.
I found out she has a sugar daddy, literally. She is getting a solitaire diamond ring from her sugar daddy on Friday even though she doesn't love him. She was flirting with the coach for a side dude, per her admission. It was quite interesting to find this out after coach was gone.
Finally her friend showed up after her test, and more jabbering about the coach, about my deep conversation with her. At the end of the day, I get dubbed a "cool cat" and we exchanged numbers. Needless to say, I doubt I'll call them.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Curse of Empathy and Listening
I often meet beautiful women. I can naturally engage almost anyone. The more of a challenge it is, the higher risk it is and the more I am apt to do it.
Tell me I cannot do something and I will find a way to do it. I am just that way.
So, I have this gift where I am empathetic to people. I naturally have my guard down, i.e. people are not necessarily drawn to me yet they feel comfortable talking to me. Women love as although I have a Y chromosone, they can talk to me. Thus comes along the curse of empathy and listening.
I was born partially deaf. It is what it is. I talk normally as for whatever reason I know the sound of my own voice. Most partially deaf people do not know their own voice thus it does not sound intelligible to those who can hear normally. However, because of it, I am a fairly good listener. I have to be to keep up literally. Sometimes, I don't do so well. I work at it and it's a challenge. A hearing aid does well.
Part of how I treat people is because of this challenge that I have. Yet, when I meet a pretty girl, it tends to morph into their problems.
This makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. As some of my previous posts I ponder who I am and being comfortable in my own skin. That is a constant work in progress I believe. So, should I change my tactic be more aloof when I meet a girl I like? I don't know. It just some food for thought.
Tell me I cannot do something and I will find a way to do it. I am just that way.
So, I have this gift where I am empathetic to people. I naturally have my guard down, i.e. people are not necessarily drawn to me yet they feel comfortable talking to me. Women love as although I have a Y chromosone, they can talk to me. Thus comes along the curse of empathy and listening.
I was born partially deaf. It is what it is. I talk normally as for whatever reason I know the sound of my own voice. Most partially deaf people do not know their own voice thus it does not sound intelligible to those who can hear normally. However, because of it, I am a fairly good listener. I have to be to keep up literally. Sometimes, I don't do so well. I work at it and it's a challenge. A hearing aid does well.
Part of how I treat people is because of this challenge that I have. Yet, when I meet a pretty girl, it tends to morph into their problems.
This makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. As some of my previous posts I ponder who I am and being comfortable in my own skin. That is a constant work in progress I believe. So, should I change my tactic be more aloof when I meet a girl I like? I don't know. It just some food for thought.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thanksgiving 2009
I will start at last night. I was hungry and quite frankly wanted a couple beers too. I headed off to Escalantes, my favorite watering hole. Enchiladas mariscos (seafood enchiladas) and a couple Dos Equis and I felt great. I was right where I wanted to be.
My friend Pam, text me, was hungry and thirsty. I told her where I was and she met me there. We had a deep conversation about life, liberty and my pursuit of fukkedupness. No topic went uncovered. I tried her margarita. Great move then. Bad move now. Never mix alcohol and beer. Anyway, it was good and I had a couple of them too.
I headed home and had a few stellas, listened to music, while on facebook and twitter.
Every year, I dial up Mannheim Steamroller's version of O Holy Night. This song, conjures up memories of being in catholic church as a kid. My dad ran the choir and during midnight mass they'd sing that song. It always puts a lump in my throat. If you didn't know, my dad passed away June 2000. Add that song and my inebriation and you get me grieving. I cried a lot. I cry every year for his loss. To be brutally honest, that's a good thing. It's good to miss one and not hold on to those emotions. As I write this recount of last night, I feel good that I cried. It's gone and quite frankly, now I am going to focus on great memories that I have of Thanksgiving and Christmas. My goal is to write down some of those memories. I will try to reminisce about good memories over this holiday season. Keep them written down and maybe even blog about them.
I think blogging about my pain helps me exorcise it in a way. I have grieved anonymously every year, sharing it with nobody. This year I shared it a bit on facebook and I think that helped me.
My friend Pam, text me, was hungry and thirsty. I told her where I was and she met me there. We had a deep conversation about life, liberty and my pursuit of fukkedupness. No topic went uncovered. I tried her margarita. Great move then. Bad move now. Never mix alcohol and beer. Anyway, it was good and I had a couple of them too.
I headed home and had a few stellas, listened to music, while on facebook and twitter.
Every year, I dial up Mannheim Steamroller's version of O Holy Night. This song, conjures up memories of being in catholic church as a kid. My dad ran the choir and during midnight mass they'd sing that song. It always puts a lump in my throat. If you didn't know, my dad passed away June 2000. Add that song and my inebriation and you get me grieving. I cried a lot. I cry every year for his loss. To be brutally honest, that's a good thing. It's good to miss one and not hold on to those emotions. As I write this recount of last night, I feel good that I cried. It's gone and quite frankly, now I am going to focus on great memories that I have of Thanksgiving and Christmas. My goal is to write down some of those memories. I will try to reminisce about good memories over this holiday season. Keep them written down and maybe even blog about them.
I think blogging about my pain helps me exorcise it in a way. I have grieved anonymously every year, sharing it with nobody. This year I shared it a bit on facebook and I think that helped me.
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